The Honest Truth About E-Commerce: I’ve Seen It All, And Here’s What Pisses Me Off

Let’s Get Something Straight

I’ve been in this game since before it was cool. Back in ’98, when I was working at a tiny startup in Seattle (let’s call it PixelPusher), we were selling floppy disks online. Yeah, you heard me right. Floppy disks. The point is, I’ve seen e-commerce evolve, and frankly, it’s a mess.

I’m Sarah, by the way. You might’ve read my stuff in Wired, Fast Company, or that one time I got a byline in The New Yorker. I’m opinionated, I swear a lot, and I don’t suffer fools. So if you’re looking for some sanitized, corporate-approved pablum, look elsewhere.

Why Does E-Commerce Suck So Much?

Okay, maybe it doesn’t suck. But it’s far from perfect. Take product pages, for example. I was talking to a friend last Tuesday—let’s call him Marcus—over coffee at that place on 5th. He was complaining about how hard it is to find decent product information online. I mean, honestly, it’s 2023. Shouldn’t we have this figured out by now?

Marcus said, “I just wanna know if this widget’s gonna work with my thingamajig, you know? But all I get is some vague description and a bunch of stock photos.” Which… yeah. Fair enough.

And don’t even get me started on checkout flows. I was at a conference in Austin last month, and a colleague named Dave was ranting about how his cart abandonment rate was through the roof. “It’s like herding cats,” he said. “One page has too many fields, the next page times out, and suddenly, poof, there go $87 worth of sales.” Sound familiar?

Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong

Look, I get it. Running an online store is hard. But there are some basic things you can do to make it less terrible. Like, for instance, actually answering customer questions. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shopping online and thought, “What the hell is this thing made of?” But no, the manufacturer’s website just says “high-quality materials” or some other bullshit.

And while we’re at it, can we talk about images? I swear, some companies think that one blurry product shot is enough. Newsflash: it’s not. Show me the damn thing from every angle. Let me zoom in. Make me feel like I’m holding it in my hands.

Oh, and here’s a pro tip: write like a human. Nobody talks like your product descriptions. “Leverage our cutting-edge, multi-functional, user-centric solution to synergize your go-to-market strategy.” What the actual hell does that even mean? Speak English, for crying out loud.

But Wait, There’s Hope

I’m not all doom and gloom. There are plenty of e-commerce sites doing it right. Take REI, for example. Their product pages are thorough, their images are crisp, and their descriptions are actually helpful. And their checkout process? A breeze.

And if you’re looking for some guidance on what to buy, check out this outdoor equipment buying guide. It’s got some solid advice, and it’s written by people who actually know what they’re talking about.

A Tangent: Why I Hate Pop-Ups

Okay, this isn’t directly related, but I gotta vent. Pop-ups. I hate them. I was on a site the other day—won’t name names—and I counted seven pop-ups before I even got to the product page. Seven! One was a newsletter sign-up, another was a discount offer, and another was just some random survey. I mean, come on. Give me a break.

And don’t even get me started on those exit-intent pop-ups. “Wait!” they scream. “Don’t leave!” But you know what? Sometimes I just wanna leave. Maybe I’m not ready to buy. Maybe I’m just browsing. Maybe I’m physicallyy exhausted and need a damn break. But no, you’re gonna hound me until I either close my browser or commit to buying a $214 widget I don’t even need.

Final Thoughts (Or Are They?)

Look, e-commerce is a work in progress. It’s gonna take time to get it right. But in the meantime, do us all a favor: write like a human, show us the product, answer our questions, and for the love of god, lay off the pop-ups.

Oh, and one more thing. If you’re gonna use stock photos, at least make them look real. Nobody’s fooled by that “diverse group of people laughing while using your software” shot. We know it’s staged. We know it’s fake. And we’re tired of it.

About the Author: Sarah Thompson has been a senior editor at major publications for over 20 years. She’s written about everything from floppy disks to quantum computing, and she’s not afraid to call out bullshit when she sees it. When she’s not writing, she’s probably complaining about pop-ups or trying to decide which widget to buy.